How to embrace ‘reincardating’, the ultimate dating vibe of the year

Time to get honest with yourself and start over (Picture: Getty)

In 2022, we’re reinventing ourselves.

Not in a self-deprecating way, but in a way that shows the world we’re ready and open – free of the baggage that held us back in 2021.

Welcome to a phase of ‘reincardating’, a play on the word reincarnating, which means to be reborn into another body.

Dating app Happn says this trend means you ‘reincarnate yourself, in a dating context’.

They predict single people will be hitting the dating scene as ‘new people’ after much reflection on what they want from love.

Ipek Kucuk, their dating expert, tells ‘After finding they have more time over the last two years, many people have been working on themselves and one of the trends I expect to see come out of this is what we’re calling reincar-dating.

‘With social events finally back on the cards, singles are ready to get back out there and mingle, but they won’t be the same people they were pre-pandemic in many cases.

‘To reincardate yourself is almost a form of manifestation, where singles put out their best self into the dating world in the hopes of meeting their ultimate partner.

‘Those brave enough to go through the process of reincardating have taken a close look at themselves and been honest about the good and bad, owning up to where they may have been going wrong in the past and they are ready to make a change.

‘The rebirth that comes from this process is nothing but positive and the reincar-dated singles will have no trouble finding what they are after if they continue to stay true to themselves.’

This sounds like a good way to enter a new year.

man running with a key to a dating app heartSingles who reincardate are ready to find love (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

There are plenty of reasons to date in this way, especially if you’ve lost touch of what exactly it is you want, or are bogged down by a bad experience with an ex.

Ipek says: ‘The benefits to reincardating are endless.

‘In its simplest form, it allows you to get to the core of what you want out of the relationships in your life.

‘Perhaps you find you are happy being single and want to remain that way for the foreseeable future, or in contrast maybe the process helps you realise you are ready to get serious with someone and start a family.

‘Either way, it means you shift your focus to ensure you are making the most of every date and getting what you want out of it.

‘This isn’t just about you though – it will also help you to tap into that gut feeling which will help make decisions about the people you are dating.

‘By listening to your gut, you can quickly know whether something is right or wrong for you and make sure you are only dedicating time to the relationships you believe in.’

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Are you ready to reincardate?

These are Ipek’s top tips for embracing the trend.

Honesty is the best policy

It’s always best to carry yourself in this way – and while it may seem hard to be honest with those you’re involved with, it’ll cut out a lot drama and confusion.

Ipek explains: ‘Honesty is vital in the process of reincardating, so you need to get real about what you want and how you are feeling, even if that honesty is uncomfortable.

‘You are the only person who can actively change your life from the inside out, so spend some time getting to know yourself.

‘Whether it’s through journaling or conversations with people you trust, opening up about your deepest desires when it comes to love will benefit you greatly when it comes to finding that new and improved version of yourself.

‘As they say, you must first learn to love yourself before you can love someone else.’

Cleanse your life

‘You can’t have re-birth without a few changes, and this means getting rid of anything that is no longer serving you well,’ Ipek tells us.

‘This could be anything from cutting down on your social media usage to a big life change such as removing negative influences or personal relationships that you realise no longer bring you joy.

‘Indeed, this also means perhaps no longer entertaining that on-off love interest that always seems to disappear when the word commitment is mentioned,’ she says.

By cutting back on the noise in your life, you’re free to focus on what matters, and as a result what you want will become clearer.

‘You deserve the best, so only accept the best,’ Ipek adds.

Actions over words

It’s easy to talk up what you want or are going to do – but acting on this is much harder.

Ipek says: ‘It’s all well and good saying you are ready to meet someone, but in order to do this you need to make sure you are taking active steps to do so.

‘Once you feel you are at the end of the reincar-dating process, get yourself on a dating app with a fresh set of pictures and updated bio, or go to that local bar where you keep seeing the cute guy or girl you’re dying to talk to.

‘The universe will be ready to send opportunities your way and with your new found positive mental attitude, your reincardated self won’t have any trouble meeting new people.’

Dating terms and trends, defined

Blue-stalling: When two people are dating and acting like a couple, but one person in the partnership states they’re unready for any sort of label or commitment (despite acting in a different manner).

Breadcrumbing: Leaving ‘breadcrumbs’ of interest – random noncommittal messages and notifications that seem to lead on forever, but don’t actually end up taking you anywhere worthwhile Breadcrumbing is all about piquing someone’s interest without the payoff of a date or a relationship.

Caspering: Being a friendly ghost – meaning yes, you ghost, but you offer an explanation beforehand. Caspering is all about being a nice human being with common decency. A novel idea.

Catfish: Someone who uses a fake identity to lure dates online.

Clearing: Clearing season happens in January. It’s when we’re so miserable thanks to Christmas being over, the cold weather, and general seasonal dreariness, that we will hook up with anyone just so we don’t feel completely unattractive. You might bang an ex, or give that creepy guy who you don’t really fancy a chance, or put up with truly awful sex just so you can feel human touch. It’s a tough time. Stay strong.

Cloutlighting: Cloutlighting is the combo of gaslighting and chasing social media clout. Someone will bait the person they’re dating on camera with the intention of getting them upset or angry, or making them look stupid, then share the video for everyone to laugh at.

Cockfishing: Also known as catcocking. When someone sending dick pics uses photo editing software or other methods to change the look of their penis, usually making it look bigger than it really is.

Cuffing season: The chilly autumn and winter months when you are struck by a desire to be coupled up, or cuffed.

Firedooring: Being firedoored is when the access is entirely on one side, so you’re always waiting for them to call or text and your efforts are shot down.

Fishing: When someone will send out messages to a bunch of people to see who’d be interested in hooking up, wait to see who responds, then take their pick of who they want to get with. It’s called fishing because the fisher loads up on bait, waits for one fish to bite, then ignores all the others.

Flashpanner: Someone who’s addicted to that warm, fuzzy, and exciting start bit of a relationship, but can’t handle the hard bits that might come after – such as having to make a firm commitment, or meeting their parents, or posting an Instagram photo with them captioned as ‘this one’.

Freckling: Freckling is when someone pops into your dating life when the weather’s nice… and then vanishes once it’s a little chillier.

Gatsbying: To post a video, picture or selfie to public social media purely for a love interest to see it.

Ghosting: Cutting off all communication without explanation.

Grande-ing: Being grateful, rather than resentful, for your exes, just like Ariana Grande.

Hatfishing: When someone who looks better when wearing a hat has pics on their dating profile that exclusively show them wearing hats.

Kittenfishing: Using images that are of you, but are flattering to a point that it might be deceptive. So using really old or heavily edited photos, for example. Kittenfishes can also wildly exaggerate their height, age, interests, or accomplishments.

Lovebombing: Showering someone with attention, gifts, gestures of affection, and promises for your future relationship, only to distract them from your not-so-great bits. In extreme cases this can form the basis for an abusive relationship.

Microcheating: Cheating without physically crossing the line. So stuff like emotional cheating, sexting, confiding in someone other than your partner, that sort of thing.

Mountaineering: Reaching for people who might be out of your league, or reaching for the absolute top of the mountain.

Obligaswiping: The act of endlessly swiping on dating apps and flirt-chatting away with no legitimate intention of meeting up, so you can tell yourself you’re doing *something* to put yourself out there.

Orbiting: The act of watching someone’s Instagram stories or liking their tweets or generally staying in their ‘orbit’ after a breakup.

Paperclipping: When someone sporadically pops up to remind you of their existence, to prevent you from ever fully moving on.

Preating: Pre-cheating – laying the groundwork and putting out feelers for cheating, by sending flirty messages or getting closer to a work crush.

Prowling: Going hot and cold when it comes to expressing romantic interest.

R-bombing: Not responding to your messages but reading them all, so you see the ‘delivered’ and ‘read’ signs and feel like throwing your phone across the room.

Scroogeing: Dumping someone right before Christmas so you don’t have to buy them a present.

Shadowing: Posing with a hot friend in all your dating app photos, knowing people will assume you’re the attractive one and will be too polite to ask.

Shaveducking: Feeling deeply confused over whether you’re really attracted to a person or if they just have great facial hair.

Sneating:When you go on dates just for a free meal.

Stashing: The act of hiding someone you’re dating from your friends, family, and social media.

Submarineing: When someone ghosts, then suddenly returns and acts like nothing happened.

V-lationshipping:When someone you used to date reappears just around Valentine’s Day, usually out of loneliness and desperation.

You-turning: Falling head over heels for someone, only to suddenly change your mind and dip.

Zombieing: Ghosting then returning from the dead. Different from submarineing because at least a zombie will acknowledge their distance.


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