‘Give him trauma’: TikTok dating guru shares 45 controversial dating tips for women

One tip left people outraged (Picture: TikTok/@madellinnee

A psychologist and dating guru has shared 45 of her best dating tips on TikTok, including never lowering your standards and knowing your worth.

Mostly creating relationship content on TikTok, @Madellinnee, a psychologist, shares tips that range from being genuinely insightful to borderline toxic.

Take tip 21 for example: ‘Don’t show a man you’ll stay with him through anything, because he’ll keep putting you through everything.’

This is genuinely useful advice, and teaches women – and men who date men – to know their worth. 

Tip 28 is equally valuable: ‘Don’t allow your fantasies to build up,’ Madeline writes. ‘Stop committing yourself to a man who hasn’t verbally expressed his intentions to emotionally commit to you.’

But others are a little more iffy.

Madeline accuses men of using the ‘hot and cold’ method to manipulate women, but many of her tips are essentially variables of the push and pull method, which involves combining a positive statement or action with a negative one. 


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Tip 25 is a great example of this: ‘Make him think you’re obsessed with him so that when you’re detaching he misses it and becomes obsessed with you.’

As is number 31. ‘Act like wife material in person then completely uninterested over text,’ Madeline tells her followers. ‘He will become obsessed with the chase.’

And some are even downright toxic: ‘Give them trauma so they’ll never forget about you,’ Madeiline says in tip 31.

While it’s fairly safe to believe a lot of these tips are at least somewhat satirical, one tip in particular has caused outrage among single mothers. 

‘It’s okay to get your heartbroken,’ Madeline wrote in her 38th tip. ‘Some girls are left with children.’


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One angry mum comments: ‘We aren’t left with kids, we have a priority to make sure children are take care of and are happy and safe.’

Another said: ‘Is that funny to you? Making fun of single mums? Is that a joke?’

But Madeline responded saying that she meant no harm to single mothers. 

“Girls, I don’t mean to hurt anyone,’ she said.

‘Just wanted to increase awareness for the younger girls to take maximum care with boys.

‘You can choose men and still choose bad ones because it’s proven that people can hide their true self until marriage.’

Madeline's 45 dating tips for women

  1. If he says he’s not looking for a relationship right now, say ‘I am, but you’re not the type of guy I’d date,’ to keep him on his toes.
  2. Never lower your standards and remember you’re above him and should be treated as such.
  3. If he hasn’t texted you in a while but hits you with a ‘wyd,’ reply with ‘losing feelings’, to keep him on his toes.
  4. A man will chase you if, after he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, you tell him you couldn’t imagine being in one with him anyway.
  5. If he texts you saying ‘good morning, sorry I fell asleep’, reply by saying ‘It’s fine, I just got home’.
  6. If he dumps you over text, tell him you knew he was a waste of time from the start and block him, this will have him questioning himself for days.
  7. Don’t ever take a man seriously.
  8. If he asks you to describe your ideal man, tell him, ‘if I see one, I’ll let you know’.
  9. Focus less on insecurities and physical attraction and more on unleashing that seductive energy by being mysterious.
  10. There is no such thing as mixed signals, it just means he never wanted you but wanted a toy instead.
  11. Don’t ever centre your world around a man, because no matter how much your BF loves you, there will always be that one girl he will never ignore.
  12. If he tells you he’s not in a relationship with anyone, ask if anyone is in a relationship with him.
  13. Don’t waste your time sending paragraphs to get your point across to boys. They don’t respond to words, they respond to no contact.
  14. When a man understands how much you care for him he will use it to his advantage and make you weak for him.
  15. Never act threatened by another woman in front of your man, act unbothered instead.
  16. Keep your heart safe by not becoming too attached by muting his stories and posts on social media.
  17. Once you cut someone off, destroy the old version of yourself they used to manipulate. Learn to master detachment and always keep your options open.
  18. When a man comes back to you after you moved on, it’s because he wants to feed his ego by proving he can get you any time he wants.
  19. It’s not about looks – learn to master how men think and you’ll be set for life.
  20. A real man will cut off a relationship with any girl who threatens his relationship with his girl, boys will make excuses.
  21. Don’t show a man you’ll stay with him through anything because he’ll keep putting you through everything.
  22. If he’s gonna treat you like an option, add his best friend to the equation.
  23. Make him think you’re obsessed with him so that when you’re detaching he misses it and becomes obsessed with you.
  24. Before you cry or beg for him, think about him and his boys will be laughing about it.
  25. If the guy you’re seeing says he just wants to be friends, say ‘thank you for saying this first, I was afraid of hurting you by telling you the same thing‘.
  26. Give them trauma so they’ll never forget about you.
  27. Don’t allow your fantasies to build up. Stop committing yourself to a man who hasn’t verbally expressed his intentions to emotionally commit to you.
  28. Always maintain a good posture and walk into every room like you own it. Your aura and confidence are everything.
  29. If he brings up another girl, he wants a reaction out of you, so don’t give him one.
  30. Act like wife material in person then completely uninterested over text. He will become obsessed with the chase.
  31. To find out what a man truly dislikes about you, ask him what he thinks you’re most insecure about.
  32. Boys will use the hot and cold method to manipulate you. When he’s hot, he’ll gaslight you to get what you want. When he’s cold, he’ll show his true self. Study it.
  33. If he is comfortable leaving you on delivered for hours, you don’t have his interest and you’re just an option to him.
  34. Accept all compliments rather than denying them. Showing that you’re insecure does not make men attracted to you, it shows them that you don’t know your worth.
  35. If he asks why you left him on read, ask him, ‘did I leave you on read, or did you leave me with a message not worth replying to?’
  36. If he doesn’t chase you after an argument, there’s another female in the picture. 
  37. Learn not to let the little things bother you, that why his ego will hurt more knowing that he has not disturbed your peace.
  38. It’s okay to get your heart broken, some girls get left with kids.
  39. If he purposefully left you on read and texts ‘sorry I was busy’, respond with ‘same, just made it home’.
  40. If you know he’s trying to use you, study him. Become the girl of his dreams and, once you’ve got him madly in love, leave.
  41. If he cancels at the last minute say ‘okay’ then text again five minutes later saying ‘hey, my evening just became free, do you still wanna link?’ – he’ll know that text was not meant for him.
  42. Most people are only addicted to the honeymoon phase and not anything that comes after: communication and effort.
  43. Hot girls focus on themselves and don’t tolerate negative, weak men. Remember that they need you and you don’t need them.
  44. The more you act like you don’t care about him, the more he’ll become obsessed with you. 
  45. Change your ways so that he becomes afraid of losing you. If you usually see him twice a week, make up an excuse not to see him one day so that you become unpredictable, causing him to find more ways to keep you around.

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