Triangulation can tell you a lot (Picture: @restoringrelationships TikTok)
One of life’s most horrible feelings is the notion that your partner has been cheating.
But, how do you decipher between anxiety and what is real?
One expert has shared the signs to watch out for.
In a video, TikToker @restoringrelationships explains how an ‘avoidant’ and an ‘anxious’ interact in relationships with each other and the idea of ‘triangulation’, noting that this can be a key indicator of whether someone will cheat.
‘Today we’re doing attachment 101 and how to predict if your partner is going to cheat on you,’ she begins.
‘And before I get into it, this is very general so take what you like and leave the rest.’
She first talks about the connection between an avoidant and anxious individual.
‘So, in a relationship there’s a bond,’ she says. ‘Now when this bond get unstable or stress is put on the bond, this is when the avoidant and the anxious stress responses come out.’
‘An avoidant literally avoids vulnerability. Avoids confronting issues in a relationship.’
She notes that this person then adds in a third party into the equation.
‘I also like to think of avoidant styles as externalisers,’ she explains.
Healing for anxious attachments is expressing needs + getting support (which is v different than triangulating!) & for avoidants it’s leaning into connection #cheating #attachment
♬ original sound – restoringrelationships
‘So when there’s an issue, they don’t come to the relationship like an anxious would, they externalise and bring something external into it.’
‘They get their emotional needs met by this third party. It could be work, it could be another person.’
She says that these people need the third party to stabilise the relationship in their mind.
And as a triangle is the most stable shape, this is where the notion of triangulation comes in.
‘The anxious, on the other hand, they tend to internalise,’ she explains. ‘When there is stress in the relationship they usually come towards [the avoidant].
‘When they do not get their needs met in the relationship they internalise and it can appear as an eating disorder, depression or anxiety.’
The expert says that triangulation can be a particular issue for children.
‘When the anxious attachment doesn’t get their needs met by their avoidant partner, they get their needs met through their kids,’ she adds.
‘And that’s how codependency happens.’
She then goes into more detail about how these signs correlate to cheating.
Is your partner always looking outside the relationship? (Picture: Getty/ Metro.co.uk)
She explains: ‘If your partner is constantly going outside of the relationship to get their needs mets, whether that be through work or avoiding anything, that to me is a warning sign that cheating could happen.
‘And here’s another thing, very early on in marriages the first stage that a martial couple has to figure out before they go to the next level, aka before they have kids, is leaving.
‘It’s learning to leave your family of origin. This means people still count on their parents or siblings to help in their relationship and that is so bad.’
‘They need to leave their family of origin either way and come towards each other.
‘If not, this is when problems start later in the marriage because that first step didn’t happen which inhibits development of the couple.’
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Those in the comments were blown away by the user’s knowledge and agreed with her points.
‘Avoidant attachment will always potentially cheat in my opinion because I never think they fully attach to anyone,’ wrote one user.
‘I’m sitting here nodding like we are on FaceTime but this was so helpful for me,’ wrote another.
While a third sadly added: ‘So spot on. He’s avoidant, I’m anxious. I didn’t leave my “family of origin” and we are suffering for it now. And just found out he’s cheating.’
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