Expert reveals six ways you’re self-sabotaging when dating

Sort out these destructive patterns (Picture: Getty/

Okay, it’s time for some tough love.

If your dating life is a nightmare, are you truly cursed to only meet terrible people and have awful experiences?

Or could you be responsible for your own romance-related misery?

Psychologist Dr Lalitaa Suglani reckons you might be playing a part.

She points out that many people unknowingly self-sabotage in the realm of dating and relationships, stating on Instagram: ‘Sometimes the only thing standing between us and a happier relationship is ourselves.’

But before you descend into blame and shame, please remember: self-sabotage is super common, and rarely a conscious, deliberate act.

‘Self-sabotage is really our mind’s way of attempting to protect us from experiencing emotional pain,’ notes Dr Lalitaa.

The good news, too, is that if you can recognise ways that you might be self-sabotaging, you can start to unlearn those patterns – and have happier, healthier relationships as a result.

To help us do that, Dr Lalitaa has broken down six common ways people self-sabotage when dating:

couple on a date chattingGet real about what you want (Picture: Getty/

‘Not being honest and projecting qualities you think they may find attractive’

It’s natural to want to be the best version of yourself in the early days of dating, but when this tips into hiding your real self, this habit can be seriously destructive.

How are you supposed to find real, genuine love when you’re not being yourself?

‘Not seeing them for who they are, rather for what you want them to be and creating scenarios in your mind of how things can be’

Take off the rose-tinted glasses and judge if you actually like the person you’re dating – or if you’ve projected your dream partner on to them.

‘Making excuses for their behaviours or ignoring red flags’

Don’t accept treatment and behaviour that you know deep-down isn’t what you want in a relationship.

Have firm boundaries and when people cross them, don’t give them endless second chances.

‘Believing you can “fix” them or change them to suit your needs’

You can end up wasting a lot of time and energy trying to shape someone into who you want them to be.

Cut it out and find someone who you love for who they are – not some idealised version of who they could be.

‘Not communicating or being honest about your wants and needs in a relationship’

Expecting your partner to be a mind-reader is a surefire path to disappointment and resentment.

Be clear and confident in communicating what you want, expect, and need.

‘Agreeing to go at the other person’s pace when you feel different’

The right person won’t rush you.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing [email protected].

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