How to deal with an ex who won’t leave you alone

It’s not cool behaviour (Picture: Getty)

On Monday it was reported that Kanye West delivered a ‘truckload’ of roses to his estranged wife, Kim Kardashian.

To mark Valentine’s Day and to continue his quest to win her back, he posted a picture of a black truck spilling over with flowers on Instagram and captioned it: ‘MY VISION IS KRYSTAL KLEAR.’

This move is another chapter in the current Kim and Kanye saga. For weeks, Kanye has put on a public show, attempting to reconnect with the mother of his children.

Despite very publicly getting together (and breaking up) with Julia Fox, the controversial rapper made it clear that reconciliation with Kim was his primary goal.

On the other hand, Kim is trying to move on with her life and is currently in what appears to be a calm and happy relationship with SNL star Pete Davidson.

Kanye continues to sound off for her attention. All the while, Kim remains silent, only once reacting to his actions in an Instagram post where she said he was making co-parenting their children ‘impossible.’

Kim’s current reality is one many will identify with.

It’s the classic clingy ex story. They are constant with their contact and refuse to leave you alone or give you the space to move on after a breakup. Endless texts, calls, love bombing and grand declarations come hard and fast.

Protesting against them never works for very long. A storm very often follows silence.

It’s behaviour that is both irritating and worrying but a common phenomenon. Too much of it can not only cause harm to your mental wellbeing, but to any future relationships you may involve yourself in.

So, how do you deal with it?

Seek support

Women’s coach and former psychiatrist Dr Lucy Davey says in situations like this, you must try to remain cool-headed.

‘You must remain confident,’ she explains. ‘But this can be hard to do when dealing with someone who is upset and emotionally unstable. You may have to welcome additional help and support in the process.’

Dealing with it in a healthy way is not only critical for your wellbeing, but for your ex partner as well. Dr Davey notes there are a few ways to successfully approach it.

‘Generally, there will be raw emotions on both sides and it is very hard for either partner to lay down boundaries that help make things as easy as possible,’ she advises.

‘If you feel you ex hasn’t understood that you have broken up, it might be good to explain this with the company of a mutual friend and make it clear that the decision is final. Doing this might give the closure needed. Reducing or minimising contact after this point is generally a good idea.

‘Seeking help and support from other professional agencies might be useful. Many couples choose to attend relationship or mediation counselling after separation where access to children needs to be decided. 

‘Seeking legal advice at an early stage can be beneficial also.’

Kanye West and Julia Fox pictured in Paris Kanye and Julia Fox pictured in Paris in January (Picture: Marc Piasecki/GC Images)

Dr Davey adds that sometimes mental health may play a part in such behaviour and reaching out for help is recommended.

‘Check if your ex has other people to turn to during this difficult period and has outlets. This ensures there is no longer has an over-reliance on you for dealing with the difficult emotions of a breakup,’ she says.

‘If your ex has mental health issues, this can be even more stressful and difficult. As a psychiatrist, I saw only too well the complexities that mental health can have on individuals, marriages and families.

‘So if you are at all concerned about the mental health of your ex-partner, contacting their GP at an early stage is advised.

‘But if the behaviour is becoming obsessive, causing you concern and you wonder whether you are being stalked, you should consider contacting the police.’

Get issues resolved

This is something that relationship expert Sarah Louise Ryan also advises.

‘If you are practising the no contact rule and have blocked them on all fronts and they ignore your instructions, you might need to keep a record of how often they are in touch and the means through which they try to gain contact,’ she explains.

‘It’s important that their actions are not bordering on illegal, threatening or harassing.

‘If they show up at your house, the house of your friends and family, your work or send things to you, it’s an invasion of privacy and can be very stressful for the party being contacted. Seek support from the authorities or preferred charities who can help you through that.’

Having financial issues resolved and cleared is imperative to such situations too.

‘It’s important to know that even if you have legal responsibilities and financials to separate with an ex, you can have third parties arrange that for you,’ Sarah notes.

‘Do not let your ex emotionally manipulate you or force you into contact with them. Sometimes that is easier said than done.’

Honesty in new relationships

An unceasing ex can also wreck havoc on new relationships, but Sarah says being honest and open about the issue can ease any tension.

‘The best way to stop it impacting a new relationship is to be honest about what is going on and the contact you are receiving,’ Sarah explains.

‘If your ex is bothering you internally, that will no doubt show up externally in your current relationship. If they are emotionally mature and care deeply for you too, they will support you and help you navigate it. They can really act as a sounding board, as long as its not you talking about your ex and that relationship.’

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Most importantly, Sarah says you must care for yourself most during these difficulties. Such circumstances can permeate into all areas of your life but know you are doing the best for you.

‘The easiest way to navigate that is to deal with facts not emotion,’ she advises.

‘It’s tough love for them but remember some people deal with break ups easier than others. It is not your fault and none of it takes away from the depth of love you had for them.

‘These moments are more about your resilience and ability to deal with life’s adversities, inclusive and exclusive of a loss of love or relationship breakdown.’

Need support? Contact the Samaritans

For emotional support you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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