Does every little thing they do irritate you? (Picture: dr.justindarienzo/TikTok)
All relationships go through their ups and downs.
But when the down parts seem to be lasting for a long time, you might ask yourself – is it over?
It can be hard to know when to walk away. Particularly if you’ve been with someone for a long time and have invested a lot of time and energy into a relationship. But staying in a relationship when the love has gone is likely to cause more damage in the long run.
So, how can you tell if you’re just going through a rough patch – or if it’s really over?
Forensic and clinical psychologist Dr Justin D’Arienzo shared five warning signs on TikTok. So, if any of the following statements ring true when you’re thinking about your other half, it might be time to call it a day.
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‘You’re no longer interested in physical and emotional intimacy’
Have things dried up in the bedroom? Have you stopped kissing goodbye in the morning? Is there a distinct lack of touch between the two of you?
Emotional intimacy is all about sharing your feelings. So if you no longer feel like you want to sadness, joy or fear to your partner – that could be a red flag.
‘You would rather be alone than spend time with your partner’
Imagine you have a day off work, no chores, no plans in the diary. How would you want to spend it? Doing something with your other half – or would you rather go for a walk or watch a movie on your own?
We all want our own space and time to ourselves now and again, but if you would consistently rather be alone than hanging out with your partner, Dr D’Arienzo says that could mean things are over.
‘You can’t have a conversation without it leading to conflict’
If every interaction – however innocuous – leads to argument, that is not a good sign.
Dr D’Arienzo says you should be aware if you’re butting heads every time you talk to each other. Arguments are normal in relationships, but not every time you speak.
Experts share relationship red flags
Joanna Konstantopoulou, a health psychologist at Health Psychology Clinic says that if one party completely shuts down and refuses to communicate, this is not good.
She says: ‘This can be a sign of disrespect and a lack of concern for your partner’s feelings. If you are constantly being ignored or your partner purposely shuts you out, it’s time to move on.’
Trust is so important in a relationship – so if a partner is being dishonest, this can make things incredibly difficult.
‘If your partner is always lying or cheating, this is a major sign that it is time to end the relationship,’ adds Joanna.
‘Dishonesty is a sign of disrespect and can be very damaging to your mental health. If you can’t trust your partner, it signals there is a systemic problem that may not resolve itself.’
Communication (and effort) shut down
‘If a partner ignores another partner and withholds communication it can be a sign that they’re not willing to put in the work,’ explains sexologist and relationship coach Ness Cooper.
‘Often when a partner refuses to work on the issues at hand, it may be a big sign that the relationship is at the end.
‘For relationships to be healthy and work, you both need to work together in helping them develop – even if it’s working through the more challenging things.’
Overly-controlling with resolutions
Relationships involve teamwork, so it’s important you’re both committed to problem-solving.
‘If one partner is being overly-controlling on how relationship issues should be resolved, this can be a sign that the relationship isn’t right for you both,’ says Ness.
‘While it can appear like a partner is trying to resolve the conflicts, they are not working with you to fix them. This form of resolution can often backfire in the long-run, too.’
No willingness to reflect
‘Almost anything in a relationship can be overcome but – in order to build bridges over relational ruptures – both parties must be willing to reflect on their own behaviours, be willing to understand something about the impact of their behaviours on the other and be held accountable,’ explains psychotherapist Lohani Noor.
But unless both parties are willing to do this, a relationship cannot be repaired.
‘If your partner talks over you, flies off the handle at your thoughts and isn’t able to reflect on how their behaviour impacts you, then you really need to consider whether or not your partner has the emotional capacity to maintain an adult to adult relationship,’ she adds.
‘You judge everything your partner does – and even the insignificant things annoy you’
Do you find yourself getting disproportionately irritated by even the smallest things your partner does?
Maybe their chewing is suddenly getting under your skin, or if they leave a dirty mug in the wrong place it sends you into a rage. This kind of reaction could be a sign that it’s time to walk away.
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‘You don’t care about your partner or what they do any more’
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Caring about your partner – their life, their goals, their career – is pretty much a given for a happy and healthy relationship.
If you find you have lost interest in them, you have stopped asking about their work, their family, their friendships, you’re probably not as invested as you once were.
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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
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